What a day I had. I had been so stressed out because in a few hours I'm going to be receiving some news that I know will be bad. I found out something almost 2 weeks ago and this will be confirmation of it. During this time I have sorta been in shock and denial. I haven't even reacted to it yet. I think that when I get that confirmation that I'm sure I'm going to get it's going to hit me fast and hard. I really have no idea how I'm going to react but it won't be good.

In the evening though, someone took me completely away from it all and I didn't even realize it. I got a new friend on messenger and we chatted for a few hours. It was very enjoyable and I totally forgot about my problems and stress. He took my mind off of what is coming and I didn't think anything of it. I was lost in the conversation and feeling no negative stress. He knows how much I enjoyed the conversation but has no idea that it was that much better for the temporary relief it brought of the pain in my heart and the stress on my mind. I'll have to remember to thank him.

Now that I'm remembering again, I'm going back and forth from negative thoughts about what's to come in a few hours to very pleasant thoughts from my enjoyable conversation. It's like a rollercoaster in my mind. Of course, I'm used to that. My mind and moods are almost always a rollercoaster. Because of this rollercoaster I can't sleep. There's just too many thoughts rolling around in my head.

Maybe if I lie in bed and try to just fantasize about something I really like I'll fall asleep and dream about it. Then I could wake up feeling good instead of tense and moody. I just hope I can get SOME sleep. At this point I think I'd go back and forth from great dreams to nightmares. Maybe I should just stay up. I wish I could write more in here about my pleasnat conversation so it would help distract me but that was a private conversation and this is a public place. Maybe I should just go read it again. They do automatically save in an archive. Perhaps I will. It's hard to say.

Well, I'm outta here for now. I know I've neglected this place for a long time but I'm going to start writing in here more again. I've really been needing to express myself. For anyone who reads this... take care!

I am so glad you found some to ease your mind, even if it was only for a lil while! You are in my thoughts and prayers, and remember no matter what happens you are not alone!! (((((Teresa))))

ty Tracy

yw!! And i meant someone not some! :):)

hey hun ~ I am thinking of you ~ things have been a little crazy around here but know that I am here for you and always thinking of you. I know things are a little off right now, and I am sending you blessings and love to pull through. Watch your snail mail! :) Loves you lots!

Thanks Renee! Been thinking of ya. Hope you take some time to rest!

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Wednesday, February 27th 2008 @ 11:29 PM

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