I wrote these in 2003...

Well, as some of you know, I'm officially a grandma now. My oldest daughter, Tiffany, had her son on August 26th at 5:46 pm. He weighed 6 pounds and 13 ounces. He was 20 inches long. He is absolutely adorable!!! When I hold him I don't want to let him go!

In other news, we are waiting to hear back from the mortgage company as we have found the house we want. I hope we get our loan because this house is perfect for us and it's a great deal! I'm going to be crushed if this falls through!

I'm anxious for my next doctor visit with my family physician. He's having me come back a month after my last visit to re-check my blood because my platlet count was too high and he was quite concerned. This could possibly be a serious thing if it doesn't go back to normal. A high platlet count can cause blood clots that may lead to a heart attack or stroke. So I'm definitely hoping it's back to normal when I go back to see him.

New things on my blog... I've updated my vote castor. There's all new questions so go in and answer 'em. You can do it once a day. And I'm going to try my tag board again. Let's hope it don't get swamped with spam again! I'd like to be able to leave it up this time. And I'll be adding some pics to my album very soon so check back for that if you'd like. And hopefully I'll motivate myself to get in here and post regularly again.

Well, I'm off for now. I gotta get some sleep. G'night all!

I didn't spend the day online like usual but when I finally get on in the evening I had nothing but problems! My msn home page was... I don't even want to go there! And that was AFTER I had problem after problem with my messenger and had to restart my computer repeatedly and remove the program and reinstall it. I had to reset settings and all kinds of crap. Everything is back to normal now as far as I can tell except fo my msn homepage and I've contacted msn support about that and am waiting for a reply from them. I was so frustrated and pissed that I went from being tired and sleepy to wired and awake. And I have to get up early!!! ARGH!!! Anyway, I just needed to vent. What a shitty night!

I was posting this on my msn space and it wouldn't post. I could type it but it wouldn't post! Fucking msn!!! ARGH!!!

What a day I had. I had been so stressed out because in a few hours I'm going to be receiving some news that I know will be bad. I found out something almost 2 weeks ago and this will be confirmation of it. During this time I have sorta been in shock and denial. I haven't even reacted to it yet. I think that when I get that confirmation that I'm sure I'm going to get it's going to hit me fast and hard. I really have no idea how I'm going to react but it won't be good.

In the evening though, someone took me completely away from it all and I didn't even realize it. I got a new friend on messenger and we chatted for a few hours. It was very enjoyable and I totally forgot about my problems and stress. He took my mind off of what is coming and I didn't think anything of it. I was lost in the conversation and feeling no negative stress. He knows how much I enjoyed the conversation but has no idea that it was that much better for the temporary relief it brought of the pain in my heart and the stress on my mind. I'll have to remember to thank him.

Now that I'm remembering again, I'm going back and forth from negative thoughts about what's to come in a few hours to very pleasant thoughts from my enjoyable conversation. It's like a rollercoaster in my mind. Of course, I'm used to that. My mind and moods are almost always a rollercoaster. Because of this rollercoaster I can't sleep. There's just too many thoughts rolling around in my head.

Maybe if I lie in bed and try to just fantasize about something I really like I'll fall asleep and dream about it. Then I could wake up feeling good instead of tense and moody. I just hope I can get SOME sleep. At this point I think I'd go back and forth from great dreams to nightmares. Maybe I should just stay up. I wish I could write more in here about my pleasnat conversation so it would help distract me but that was a private conversation and this is a public place. Maybe I should just go read it again. They do automatically save in an archive. Perhaps I will. It's hard to say.

Well, I'm outta here for now. I know I've neglected this place for a long time but I'm going to start writing in here more again. I've really been needing to express myself. For anyone who reads this... take care!

I removed my tag board because there were assholes repeatedly spamming it everyday. Everytime I came in here I had to delete tons of spam tags and got tired of it so I just deleted the tag board so they couldn't do it anymore. It was pointless for them to post them anyway since nobody ever clicks on the names in there and hardly anyone ever comes here. I even posted a message about that on the tag board but apparently they are stupid and couldn't tell by the dates and lack of activity that they were wasting their time.

You spammers are stupid!!!